Warning: Please note that this article is The Vampire Diaries recap for Season 8 Episode 6, which was directed by Paul Wesley and written by Alan McElroy. This post contains spoilers, quotes, and specific scene descriptions about the show; please do not read any further until you have watched “Detoured on Some Random Backwoods Path to Hell ” which aired on The CW on Friday, December 2, 2016.
After discovering that the twins were missing at the end of the last episode, Alaric and Caroline contact the authorities, which feels like a bad idea (you know, because when in the show’s history are human cops a match for diabolical sirens?). Ric then calls Seline, surprised that she actually answers. She tells him the twins are safe with her but she can’t bring them back. They are special and she’s saving them, “from a lifetime of pain.” He pulls a full-on Liam Neeson from Taken, he will find her and he will kill her. He is so convincing that he instills fear in his crazy nanny’s heart.
The camera pans out and we ntoice Seline is at a diner with the twins (who are milking this abduction for all its worth with ice-cream sundaes and frequent naps) and guess who joins them? Sybil and Damon. “Hey there, munchkins,” he says, giving Josie and Lizzie a friendly wave, “remember me?”
Bonnie and Enzo are making up for three months of lost sexy time in her childhood bedroom. It’s so nice to see them back together and happy….which basically means something terrible is about to happen. As they untangle from one another, they’re bombarded by calls and texts. Damon’s name pops up on Enzo’s caller ID; he hesitantly answers but only a creepy siren sound plays from the phone, rendering our Romeo incapacitated on the floor in Bonnie’s arms. Damn it Sirens, leave Bonenzo alone!!!!
Stefan rushes to Caroline’s side at the house to help while Ric is on the phone with Matt, who is setting up a command station at The Armory. Ric finds out from Seline that Damon is with them. Caroline makes a hard decision. Stefan cannot help her, he’s a distraction and she returns his ring for the time being. You see, she can’t think of Stefan when she will kill Damon if she has to, there can’t be ‘an us’ right now. Matt traced the call Ric made and points them in a general direction, with Stefan left behind with Deputy Blue Eyes.
Before Matt and Stefan can do much, Bonnie brings an ailing Enzo to them for help. Apparently her boo feels like he’s being tortured on the inside and he is, by Sybil, who’s taken her love for the game Operation to a disturbing new level. Bonnie wants Stef to go dance around Enzo’s brain, like he once did for her; so he obliges and finds Enzo strapped onto an operating table with Sybil yanking out his internal organs. The menacing siren doesn’t want to win him back; she wants to hurt him because she’s the epitome of a sore loser. Anyway, Enzo starts vomiting blood. While in there, Stefan saw a diner and passes it along, hoping to give Care Bear more direction.
Sybil is marveling at the magic that is bacon while Damon and Seline butt heads. Damon taps into his inner Veronica Mars and starts interrogating the twisted sisters about their grievances and connection to Cade. Apparently a St. John ancestor let Seline out of the vault 100 years ago, but Sybil was left behind and seems to have some sour grapes about that. Seline tries to plead her case saying that she’s been hatching a plan to bust her loose, but sissy ruined her cover. So why are the twins there? They are siphons with a psychic link, the perfect gifts to trade Cade in exchange for their freedom – duh. Seline needed ten more years but the offering can still work. Once Damon weasels this tidbit of information the info out of the worst nanny ever, an amber alert hits everyone’s phone. The whole diner notices the girls from a linked article and they’re busted. Seline takes charge and freezes the patrons with an impromptu hum.
Alaric and Caroline are hauling ass to the diner and he notices the engagement ring is MIA. They don’t beat a dead horse. They arrive at the diner and rush in. It’s now empty. Ric reaches out to Stefan who thinks he’s making things worse for Enzo with the brain hopping. Caroline doesn’t care; she wants him to keep going in, though she won’t actually talk to Stefan. Loverboy is hurting (you can tell by how his hair is not impeccably in place) but is determined to fix this in any way that he can for his lady.
Damon and the two sets of sisters are cruising around in a mini van. Clearly longing for his beautiful Camaro and not this soccer dad vehicle, Damon keeps poking around for information. He wonders why Cade would even want these 4-year-old girls? Seline explains that Cade needs supernatural beings who will serve him of their will and since the girls trust Seline, she’ll make them think they want to be a part of this. If it works, she and Sybil will be free and suddenly a light bulb goes off in Damon’s head. Hell is negotiable! Before he can ask some follow-up questions, he brings the car to a full stop; a cop car is blocking their path and carrying out amber-alert blockades. Seline uses her song to make the cop not see her sister and the twins in the back seat. However, one of the girls starts to wake up; she is annoyed and so over this boring-ass road trip, so she grabs Sybil’s arm in protest. NO MORE NAPS, BIOTCH! The touch seems to hurt Sybil (haha, yes – more of this please!) and the whole commotion draws the cop back to the vehicle. He now sees the three extra passengers and Sybil decides to get rid of him the good old-fashioned way: claws to the chest. (Let’s pray that the twins didn’t actually see her shred a man to pieces, though they are probably already in major need of therapy!)
The party of five arrives at a gross motel that seems like a residual Breaking Bad set with all its sketchy tenants milling around. Damon wants to summon Cade right this minute and while Seline is against that idea, Miss Sybil is ready to party. All they need is a pool and bodies so this place will work just fine! Damon has a plan…and it’s obvious what it is, so now we’re on edge.
Caroline and Ric find the body of the cop who was mauled to death by Sybil’s crusty nails (looks like someone needs a manicure…) but they are too late again; they just reuniting with their daughters. Ric is starting to really lose it; he punches a car window with the same fervor and commitment as Beyonce in the official music video for “Hold Up” and starts blaming himself for being so oblivious to Seline’s sinister vibes (like, honestly, who lies for 10 minutes on the kitchen floor with a slit neck and manages to survive). Surprisingly, Caroline manages to remain calm amidst all the panic, and promises him that they will find their girls.
As for Damon, he continues to be a nosy Nellie asking Sybil how she went about giving Cade consent. She reminds us she was dying and willing to cling to life by any means necessary, even if it meant signing herself up to be his immortal servant. Damon says he has a plan in mind and needs her help; she’s in the midst of torturing Enzo, but she’s all ears. (She’s quite the multitakser – bravo, girl!) We then bounce back the Armory, where Stefan worries he’s making things worse by entering Enzo’s head; however, Bonnie urges him to keep going. Stefan steps back into the gruesome scene and shoves Sybil away from the operating table, demanding to know where the children are. She says she’ll release Enzo if Stefan promises to come to their location alone. Enzo calls to Stefan from the table not to trust her, but Mister Hero Hair’s curiosity is piqued when she says that she and Damon have an offer he can’t refuse. Stefan heads off to the hotel and Matt sits by Bonnie’s side assuring her that Enzo will be okay. He does wake up and they return to being cuddly and super romantic again.
Meanwhile, Ric and Caroline arrive at the wrong hotel, being misdirected by Stefan, who arrived at the right hotel. He wants to make things right, he will do whatever it takes. Before driving over to the right place, Ric starts spitting out some truth, darkness follows Caroline and her friends, he can’t take care of his children, and he needs to leave. He informs that Josie and Lizzie are his and Jo’s kids — not hers — and that she needs to know her place in this situation. Caroline understands that he’s on edge and doesn’t mean it, but judging by the pained expression on her face, he may as well have driven a stake through her heart. (UGH – what a gross, ignorant thing to say to the woman who gave birth to your kids, changed their diapers, and has been helping you raise them this entire time.)
Seline stands by the dirty motel pool, holding the girls’ tiny hands, and begins to sing some random notes (she’s a tad bit off-key, if we’re being honest here). The girls utter “Incindia” like good little Hogwarts scholars, and a fire immediately springs up before them. Sybil notices Damon searching for Stefan and informs him that she’s got a welcoming committee for him to get through first. Apparently she took over the creepy hotel guests and compelled them attack to attack Stefan the instant he pops up so that he can be all broody and vulnerable by the time he reaches the ritual site.
Now back to Stefan! After getting pummeled by some random folks, he knocks out nearly everyone in the hall who dare obstruct his path to his brother and the girls. Stefan spies Damon lurking in the corner egging him on to murder the final bat0wielding creeper. Our last guy standing beats the crap out of Stefan, who after being stabbed near the heart, decides to kill him. Stefan looks devastated over having to murder yet another person – he’s racked up quite a body count from his days as a Ripper, so you can say his soul is pretty stained by now – but he said he’d do anything to save the Saltzman twins. Stefan asks to see the girls but before he can, Damon has some terms to run by him.
As for Cade? He is truly one handsome devil…literally. He emerges onto the gritty scene wearing a classy suit and looking calm and pleasant as hell. He wants to know why they’ve called upon him today. Seline tells Cade she’s found him two adorable little offerings and though he is intrigued, Sybil steps in with a better offer. Oh snap – SIBLING BETRAYAL! Sadly, our worst fears are realized when she offers up the Salvatore brothers instead of Josie and Lizzie as replacements for her and Seline. Tiny innocent children or two malicious killers with lethal supernatural abilities? This is the easiest decision Cade will ever have to make, especially after Stefan bursts into the room and says he’s willing to serve him forever and ever. Where’s the contract? He’ll sign it, no questions asked.
After all is said and done, Ric and Caroline enter the hallway to find Stefan leading the girls away from the danger zone. (It’s obvious that Stefan just put his happiness on hold, and we’re already upset over how crestfallen Care Bear will be when she realizes what the devil’s price was for the safe return of her daughters.) The relieved parents bring their kiddos to the hospital at the Armory just to make sure everything is alright, and Ric apologizes for his harsh words earlier, but the damage is already done: Caroline agrees with Ric that she needs to keep her distance until this mess with the sirens is over — but gives him a fierce talking to about how he can NEVER throw the whole “you’re not their biological mother” argument in her face again. She delivered them, raised them, and loves them with every fiber of her being, and that should be enough to constitute her role as a mom.
As a reprieve from this tense moment, the scene flashes to Enzo and Bonnie embracing each other as she praises him for being able to resist Sybil’s mind intrusion for so long. He explains that after enduring years of abandonment issues and being caged and experimented on in the Augustine lab, he maintained a glimmer of hope that life wouldn’t be so cruel as to make him endure such anguish without bringing him a true love one day. When he met Bonnie Bennett, he knew his luck had changed and his wishes answered; she was his angel, his saving grace. Aw! Well, at least one couple is feeling blessed right now. Can he propose to her now already??
Caroline finds Stefan outside and takes a seat next to him. She apologizes to him for cutting him out of the rescue mission and slips her engagement ring back on her dainty finger. She should have accepted his support like any good partner would have; she loves him deeply and knows that he made a huge sacrifice to get her girls back in one piece. So what exactly did it cost him? Yikes. Stefan takes a deep breath and lays it on her: his immortal soul belongs to Cade. Stefan has offered to hunt and deliver the darkest souls to Cade, so that he can avoid eternal damnation and spare the twins’ lives. To make matters worse, Stefan’s “silver lining” is that has 24 hours to spend with his fiancee before he’s ripped away from her for good.
‘WTF! You promised me a June wedding!’ is basically Caroline’s reaction. She bursts into tears at the thought of losing no longer getting to spend her life with Stefan and refuses to accept this harsh reality; unfortunately, her tears won’t rectify this heartbreaking situation.
Stefan: Our day is tomorrow; it’s my last day.
Caroline: No, what? Why?!
Stefan: Because my one condition was that I get to spend my last 24 hours of freedom…with you.
Elsewhere, our newly freed siren sisters treat themselves to a celebratory meal. Seline is a bit miffed that Sybil didn’t share her secret plan with her, but she breathes a sigh of relief that she’s no longer shacked to the devil. Oh, what a time to be alive? LOL – she’s going to wish she never messed with Sybil, who is much too quick to burst her happy little bubble. Technically speaking, Cade accepted Sybil’s proposal, so she gets to keep her powers and immortal body without having to do his dirty work. Sadly, the deal didn’t involve Seline. Obviously she is furious with her sis, but Sybil reminds her that she had 100 years to plot her revenge for the time she left her behind to rot in a dark, moldy vault. Payback is a bitch, and Sybil gets extra scary when she reveals that her game is far from over.
Ric heads back to the Armory to thank Matt for all of his help. He calls Deputy Blue Eyes the only sane one, even though Matt responds that there is only so much agony a lone human lad can endure before he listens to his gut and fights back. Huh? This doesn’t bode well for anyone.
One guess where Damon is? If you said bar, ding ding ding! The vampire hunk is looking for someone to refill his drink – he plans to spend his 24 hours licking up every last drop of bourbon before his eternal servitude to Cade begins – when Matt and Ric enter and shoot him in the back. The two of them beat the crap out of him (NOT THE FACE, YOU JERKS!) and in a twist we never saw coming, Ric removes a stake from his jacket and plunges it right into Damon’s heart, with absolutely no hesitation. “This is for Tyler,” he growls. Damon looks blown away and terrified as he begins to desiccate a bit. Does he die? Based on the official preview trailer for 8×07, it seems we have nothing to worry about because once you’re bound to the devil it’ll take more than a few splinters to tear you down. Still, this betrayal is awful, especially since Damon is not in his right mind and is under the thrall of a malicious monster. RIP DALARIC’s FRIENDSHIP.
So, ladies and gentlemen, what did you think of TVD episode 8×06? Were you shocked by Stefan’s sacrifice? Were you devastated by what Alaric did to Damon? Who else got nauseous watching Sybil suck on a strip of bacon? What is your impression of Cade so far — is he really the “Big Bad” you pictured? Sound off in a comment below!