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15 Tips for Having the Hottest Vampire Sex of Your Life

Delena sex in The Vampire Diaries Season 6

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Remember when, in The Vampire Diaries episode 1×08, Lexi Branson uttered the following infamous words: “You’ll rock her world so hard with your vamp sex, she’ll be yours forever?” We sure do – and she wasn’t wrong either, as far as we know. Though we’re still waiting on the shot to engage in vampire sex ourselves, all your favorite undead love machines have made it look easy. Still, just because vampire sex is hot doesn’t mean it’s simple. There are a lot of factors and techniques you need to consider before getting down and dirty with a Dracula type.

Steroline sex in TVD episode 8x01

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That being said, care for some pointers on how to indulge in the steamiest vampire sex of your life? Scroll down to brush up on some valuable advice! (FYI: Even if you’re not currently in a relationship with a gorgeous bloodsucking creature, you can still apply some of these to your mortal lovers, too.

1. Make sure your furniture is appropriate and properly maintained.

Remember what happened to Bella and Edward’s bed? Invest in quality pieces that you won’t have to replace every time you bone. Particle board won’t last a minute.

2. Choose a place that has enough space.

Coffins don’t give you a ton of room for most positions.

3. Don't forget lube.

Undead skin may not age, but it also may, well, get pretty dry.

4. Make sure you have fresh breath.

This is an incredibly important time to avoid garlic.

5. Be mindful of where your teeth are.

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This is always key for certain sexual situations — especially if you’re into some playful nibbling — but if one or both of you have fangs you have to be extra careful not to bite too hard. Yikes.

6. Lighting is key.

You can’t have too much of it, or else you or your partner may start sparkling or disintegrating. That can really kill the mood.

7. Don't think too much about your partner's age.

Technically speaking, vampires are supernatural beings frozen in time; depending on what age they were before their human life came to a halt, they will remain young and beautiful forever. That being said, it’s best not to think too much about how many centuries they’ve been roaming the earth for, because it will gross you out big-time and make you feel icky all over.

It’s a super tricky situation, so try to forget that your lover was born in the Viking/Civil War era and just enjoy the ride.

Buffy

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8. Remove any religious relics from wherever you're hooking up.

You don’t need that crucifix above your bed sending your paramour flying out your window like a bat.

9. Make sure you eat beforehand.

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Seriously, though. It’s all fun and kinks, but bad things can happen if either of you gets hungry.

Vampires are not exactly known for practicing self-control.

10. Get weekly manicures.

Chances are your nails grow pretty fast, which can get uncomfortable for your partner.

Ouch.

11. Time it well.

This is important in two senses of timing. First, the time of day: Unless you live in certain parts of Alaska or Scandinavia, you’re not going to be able to get lucky in the morning, nor can you engage in any afternoon delights. Second, your cycle: No one wants to think about it, but if there’s a chance Aunt Flo might be visiting, that can get really dangerous. Really dangerous.

12. Be specific with what you both want.

Let’s just be real here: “Suck” has a few different meanings in your situation. Communication is key.

13. Don't hold back - bust out your craziest moves!

haylijah-sex-2haylijah-sex

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Another perk about being with a vampire? They’re extra strong so feel free to whip out all those risque moves you’ve been dying to try and climb that sucker like a tree.

14. Now's not the time to be modest and reserved.

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Have you always dreamed about going at it in front of a roaring fireplace, or in the woods like some sort of wild, untamed creature? Now you can. Live out your wildest fantasies — but be sure to bring an extra change of clothes in case you leave each other’s shirts in tatters.

15. Take your time - the night is young.

What’s the point of vampire sex if you’re just in it for a quickie? Enjoy each explosive sensation, and make every intimate interaction count. Take advantage of the fact that you’re with someone who doesn’t need sleep and has been around for so long he/she knows exactly how to pleasure you.

So, fang fans: If you could spend the night with any immortal creature, who would it be and why? Don’t be shy — drop us a comment and let us know!

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